Monday, June 7, 2010

Losing Touch

Do you ever feel numb to things and emotions around you that used to easily arouse you? Do you ever feel "un-empowered" or like you just don't engage in the same emotions anymore. It's like a country song I like; "if you're tellin' me I'm not on fire, you're just preaching to the choir, I feel as numb as old barbed wire from livin'..."

I wrote my last post about falling back into old ways, for me that being the routine of work. I think that work overpowers me and pulls me in with full force. Being a homeowner now, I always want to make more money because there's always something I want to do on my land or with my house. Yet, the more I work, the less time I spend home. Some of my work is rewarding, but some of it isn't, and i feel like I'm wasting hours of my life that I should be using in other ways.

I think I'm meant to do more. I think there is more for me out there.

I think we're all meant to do more. I think there is more for everyone out there.

I don't believe in limitations.

We all can do anything we want to. This is obvious with some of my clients who learn to do push-ups after never being able to do one, or who can cut two minutes off of their mile runs in only 8 weeks of training. And they told me they couldn't run.

How do you attain the sensation of value? Can you ever feel like you're doing enough, or does every person always strive to be better, to do more, and to set new goals immediately after the next have been reached.

How do you combat repeated burn-out? It become a cycle, but maybe each time you get stronger, like with weight training, and eventually it just doesn't happen anymore. I'm young and I'll figure it out, right?

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Old Ways

Isn't it incredible how no matter what we do, we always seem to fall back into our old ways? Is this you, falling back into who you should be, or who you shouldn't be? For me, this is working a ton of hours, always being busy and never being home. I fought my schedule to create a weekend for myself, and now, within the last few weeks have found myself working 7 days again.

Most people say that it isn't healthy, but my house has been cleaner, I have eaten much better and healthier, and felt more alive and strong since I started working again. Maybe it's just myself falling into the societal role of "we all must work or we're worth nothing." I felt worthless when I was home, was restless, bored, and wanted to get out of the house. Maybe it's the fact that when I'm home, I'm never fully relaxed. Being a new home owner, there's always something to be fixed, cleaned, or gone through. I still haven't mowed my lawn this year.

I find myself wanting to be home, alone, when I am home. I guess being around people all day when you work 14 hour days creates that internal need to just be isolated. I don't want to go out on weekends like most 22 year olds, hate drinking, and would rather be sleeping early to start my day earlier. When I fall from a structured routine, my whole life falls apart.

I can't ever relax unless i'm in my element, at work.

Does anyone else find themselves falling into their old ways or their old habits? can anyone connect to this?

Friday, June 4, 2010

Back at it

Not much to say tonight, but a whole bunch to say in upcoming posts. I'm using this blog to keep myself writing, up to date with current events, and also to keep my head AWAY from fitness and anything fitness related. My whole life has been fitness since I turned 16 and although I love helping people achieve their goals, too much of a good thing an be deadly.
Just watched the first episode of season three of Whale Wars and about to catch up on my stack of National Geographic. I hope if you read this blog you'll check Whale Wars out at 9pm on Fridays, although know there will be reruns on Animal Planet frequently. Paul Watson is a hero and an idol to me; his ruthlessness, strength, and courage, are attributes that I seek to engrave in myself as I get older and figure out what the hell I am going to do with my life.

I'm very bothered by this whole Oil Spill on the Gulf Coast. I can't figure out why the hell it happened, why it hasn't been reprimanded more severely (money is nothing to a major corporation, and why it hasn't already been cleaned up. 700 birds already dead? I heard a statistic from a client today who told me that for every one bird that is found dead or harmed by the deadly oil, 4-8 more have been killed are harmed. That means that means that it is possible that close to 6,000 birds are now dead. I haven't heard much about the other marine life, although imagine how many fish are dead, fisherman jobless, and ocean wildlife destroyed. This is the biggest man-caused environmental catastrophe that I have personally lived through and watching it on CNN nearly brings me to tears every time.
I told a friend that I'd drop everything I have now: my home, my life, my jobs here, if I was given an opportunity to get down the gulf and save some of those animals. I'll be in Florida next week and I'm both eager and afraid to see the impact on the spills at the beach.
There has got to be some sort of penalty for BP, especially after over 750 OCEA violations. My client suggested a corporate "death penalty" for such a tragic "accident" and i totally agree with this. That company needs to be shut down. I saw a commercial today, I believe by the national Guard, about American Energy and switching our powering sources to non-oil fueling mechanics. Why isn't more attention being paid to these ideas? If we used some of our money that is currently being put toward overseas battles for oil, we'd have less war, more productivity, and an interdependence solely based in this country.
My next car will absolutely be electric...