The Routine of Things

I love and hate routine. I love it when everything goes as planned, and hate it when everything gets fouled up. I'm training for my bodybuilding show in a month, and now that I'm eating a low carb diet, I'm tired all the time. Conclusively I'm sleeping more, and then I can't sleep at night.

My girlfriend likes the room warm, I like it freezing cold. She always wins. I cannot sleep at night anymore. I'm sweating as we speak.

I don't really have anything intelligent to write tonight, just kind of irritated at myself that I'm going to spend all night not able to sleep, and then all day tomorrow tired and trying to sneak out to my truck to nap. I HATE IT!

There are so many days I hate my job. I want a normal, 9-5 desk-job. I think everyday I want it more. I know I'd be active outside the 9-5 time barrier, and being so active now is aging my body at an untimely rate. Add in the fact that I'm a lunatic.

I'm really giving the field of fitness just a little more time before I say forget about it and do something else. I don't really know what though, my two loves are fitness and writing. Both have no real jobs or career paths, and both aren't considered "real jobs" by society- go figure. Now let me tell you that I'm 50% through with an English degree, and 50% through with an exercise science degree. I'm doomed, huh?

I hate everything

I think one of the toughest things in life is to avoid becoming cynical, period.

You're in a work-place where you feel like you're always walking on egg shells. The house is always a mess; there's always something to clean. The dog wants to go for a walk, every ten minutes. stress levels sky rocket and you can never please everyone- ever.

Recently, I've learned that if you're pissed at somebody, the best way to cope with it is to just flat out tell them. Holding it in is painful and whether they react the way you want or the way you don't, it feels a hell of a lot better afterwords. This works at work (granted you don't get fired, and I thought I might this past week) and it works in any other relationship in your life.

If the people you confront care about you at all, your words will mean something to them and they'll respond, directly or indirectly. Sometimes you've got to let the emotion spill over, anger, tears, and everything in between.

It's hard, I know, but putting down the pounds and pounds you've been lugging around over time feels good, and you'll sleep a lot easier after. Again, trust me on this. I know first hand.

On the other hand, if the people you confront don't care and don't respond, forget about them. That's a place, a job, or a relationship that you don't need. I totally life by the motto surround yourself with those who bring you higher and if certain people in your life don't, then you don't want them in it.

I had about one hour of sleep last night, yet for some reason, after over two months of feeling angry and being cynical, I was excited to go to work today. I was tired as hell, but I still felt incredibly great after my last weeks confrontations, and work went well in my mind, whether things changed or they didn't.

Life is what you make it. If you view it as bad, too hard, depressing, or just plain crappy, that's how it will be. There's always something to look forward to. There's good in so many people, and that is enough to keep me going.

Conclusively, you've just got to let certain things go. You can't please everyone. If you try to, you'll live in pain, twisting and turning with every night's unsuccessful attempt to fall asleep. Sometimes one night of one stress-free hour of sleep is worth more than one night of eight hours of tossing and turning. Believe it.

System Reset

This is quick because it's late, but it's something I needed to do. I NEED to keep myself writing, so if I'm not working on my book, I need to at least get myself to write on here. All of my old followers probably forgot about this blog by now, but that's okay. Maybe I can recruit some new ones? HA.

So, my quick update is that I'm working on a book. More on that to come, but through my job as a personal trainer, I've found a great mentor who actually is a literary agent and is encouraging me to keep writing. The deal is, if I write, she looses weight, and we help each other. It's win win! Writing is something I miss. It's something I need in my life. Every day, some how, in some shape or form.

Life brings on so much, for me it's long and excruciating work hours, training for a fitness competition, being a dog owner and boyfriend, and a new home-owner. Regardless, writing is good for me in many ways, and if I ever want to write a book, I ought to keep punching letters on my Mac.

Encourage me. Yell at me if I don't post. I need this.

Good-night.