I've also had this urge to "get out" or "get away" lately. Like there's people somewhere in this world that are more like me, and I just need to figure out a way to meet them. They're not here.
And yes I'm lonely.
I feel alone because the things that I believe in, value, and drive me toward my goals are things that I share with no one, yet I know there's people out there who think the way I do. I'm sick and tired of fitting into these "molds" here in college. I just want to be myself and do what makes me feel happy and satisfied.
At least I feel as though I'm moving forward. There's times I feel that I'm not, or worse, I'm back tracking in my own shoes. Lately I've been accomplishing a lot, and proving a lot of things to myself. I'm a lot more confident now. I've found this confidence within the last few weeks and again, I don't know where it came from.
I'm also struggling with A LOT of internal conflicts. Nothing I want to post on this blog, but they deal with both relationships and addictions. These things have nothing to do with anyone; it's all within me.
My biggest struggle is something I have heard a lot about before I ever struggled with it. It's something I've been told of and warned of, and something I've felt since the day I started college four years ago. Everything around me is different now; but they haven't changed... I have.
I find it hard to adapt.
I want to start over everyday. It's one of my goals- it's something that drives me to graduate college with good grades, and hopefully soon I'll be out of here... at least for a while.
California is ideal, it's where I feel I belong right now. It's where I plan to be very soon.
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