The more I find myself, the more distant I become from my friends.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
The Pro's and the Con's of the "Good Life"
Things have been going great lately. I joined a martial arts gym and have been kickboxing every day. For the most part my diet is back in control, although every 2-3 days I get an uncontrollable urge for sugar (I'm battling some kind of "detox eating disorder" from post bodybuilding training, my body lacked carbs for so long I get these uncontrollable craving now that the only thing I can do is fulfill them). I have been able to start doing things that make me happy again; horseback riding, reading, writing, and drawing. AND, I have gotten involved with PETA and am working on starting a Wallingford-Cheshire Animal Rights Group (stay tuned for more information). I have my dream truck, I am very close to having my dream house ( a cabin-like two floor house in the woods with a huge porch and a yard). My job's good- I work at basically a spa so when I'm not personal training or teaching aerobics, I can be working out, playing basketball, or in the sauna/steamroom. AND, finally, I'm on a great routine, up early and in bed early(ish).
The con's of this life are as follows;
It's like this: everybody goes out on Thursdays and Fridays, and Saturdays, and I'd rather be kickboxing, or working out, or working, or trying to save money. I'd rather be volunteering, or outside, reading, or horseback riding. Unfortunately those are all hobbies that are not shared with my friends, and they're mostly things to do alone. I find it hard to relate and connect with other people. Have you read before in my previous blog posts that living like this is lonely?
The economy stinks right now, so even though my jobs great, the hours aren't. It's to the point where I have to decide "gas or groceries." It's even harder now as a vegetarian, having to buy organic soy products and expensive whole foods, fruits, and vegetables.
I have no idea how I'm going to afford my truck and house. I haven't had a full tank of gas since I got my truck.
I have a lot of free time, and I'm using it for me, but it costs money. Kickboxing costs money. It costs money to drive to kickboxing all the way in Rocky Hill. Even if I had people calling me to go out and do things, I wouldn't be able to because I literally have no money in my bank account. All my new hobbies take up time, which I could use to work another job. My other jobs make it almost impossible for me to have another job because the hours are so random and scattered.
It's tough living at home. I got along better with my parents when I didn't see them every single day, all the time, and they weren't in my life and business 100%. I think this is true for every parent/kid relationship. I need to get out.
I'm trying to stay positive. I'm having fun, enjoying having the chance to "find out who I am" and finally feel like I have a purpose again. Unfortunately, money means everything in life. Those who say that money doesn't = happiness obviously haven't really struggled with it that badly. Money isn't everything, but it definitely is important in life. I just wish I could find a way to make a little bit more so the stress could be lifted off my shoulders.