Sunday, June 6, 2010

Old Ways

Isn't it incredible how no matter what we do, we always seem to fall back into our old ways? Is this you, falling back into who you should be, or who you shouldn't be? For me, this is working a ton of hours, always being busy and never being home. I fought my schedule to create a weekend for myself, and now, within the last few weeks have found myself working 7 days again.

Most people say that it isn't healthy, but my house has been cleaner, I have eaten much better and healthier, and felt more alive and strong since I started working again. Maybe it's just myself falling into the societal role of "we all must work or we're worth nothing." I felt worthless when I was home, was restless, bored, and wanted to get out of the house. Maybe it's the fact that when I'm home, I'm never fully relaxed. Being a new home owner, there's always something to be fixed, cleaned, or gone through. I still haven't mowed my lawn this year.

I find myself wanting to be home, alone, when I am home. I guess being around people all day when you work 14 hour days creates that internal need to just be isolated. I don't want to go out on weekends like most 22 year olds, hate drinking, and would rather be sleeping early to start my day earlier. When I fall from a structured routine, my whole life falls apart.

I can't ever relax unless i'm in my element, at work.

Does anyone else find themselves falling into their old ways or their old habits? can anyone connect to this?

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