Sunday, February 15, 2009
I find myself, when alone, doing a lot of thinking. I think most people do. Every moment of silence brings on new revelation, and you can figure your life out in one instant, and then be perplexed in the next.
You find yourself wanting to be someone else, to start over, and then you love who you are. Then you hate who you've become.
It's odd how it works. It's like being alone gives you an infinite time-clock where everything moves slower, and thoughts pass in and out of your mind with no warning. Sometimes you're torn by the them, sometimes enlightened.
You want to savor the moments; sometimes you're alone for only a little while, and sometimes it feels like forever. Being alone takes many forms: alone in a room, or alone in the world. I think everyone is alone in the world even when surrounded by best friends and family. Nobody really knows how your mind works, not even you.
When you're alone, you try and figure it out, but you never can. Or if you do, it never lasts.
Tonight I wan to change the world. I want to be remembered, make a difference, save a life. Tomorrow, life will go on and the things that I value will turn blurry and fade just like the darkness of the night. Do things really clear up, or do they just get more and more dense?